Getting Comfortable....

So, I really do like my job. I have the hours and days I like and that work for me. I have relatively little stress to deal with and in general, my co-workers from around the store seem to really like me (cue Sally Field clutching her oscar and crying to the audience "You like me...you really reall like me!!)
Sadly, I am as high up in the company as I can go.....to go further, I need to seriously look at leaving my kiosk and getting into management.
I would lose my guaranteed days off, I may not get all of my holidays off and it is more stress.
I would, on the other hand, have a chance at some real managment, get better pay, get better benefits and would, in all reality, have a career.

So why am I sitting here, talking myself out of it?

Because, deep down inside, I don't feel I deserve it. I have become comfortable in my job and in my skin.....this is not good.

I have spoken to my boss and have indicated that I am interested in looking into the manager training program.

Time to shake up my comfort zone.

The way it used to be....

I am a huge fan of "Mad Men". I love everything about that show...the way people dressed, the way they behaved, the way they just "were". Our world has become so hectic and it seems as though people don't actually put any thought or take any pride in the way they dress.
I work in a grocery store and, at least once a day, I see someone come walking in wearing their pajama bottoms. Seriously, is it that hard or are people just too damned lazy to put on a pair of pants before they leave their homes?
If you desire the comfort that comes with pj pants, get yourself some yoga pants from Old Navy (they are rather affordable) and put those on before you step foot into public.
I have compiled a list of when it is ok and not ok to wear pj pants.....

Times when it is acceptable to wear pj bottoms:

1. in bed or at home
2. when you have a baby coming out of your body and you need to get to the hospital.
3. you just had a baby come out of you and are now heading home
4. you are in your yard, taking the dog out to do its business
5. your child is in need of emergency medical assistance and you are taking them to the hospital
6. during a "pajama party" with your girlfriends.

When it is not acceptable to wear pajama bottoms:
1. going to the store
2. going to a restaurant
3. going to the coffee house for coffee
4. any times other than the "acceptable"list

Why cant we just go back to having pride in our appearance? Is that too much to ask for?

New adventure....

I/we (the husband and myself) have been looking for a new hobby. We used to ride a Harley but he had to sell his bike and he has not replaced it yet.
We have been watching The Tudors on Showtime and have purchased season one and season two.
As we watched, my dear husband indicated that he liked the clothing and would like to get involved with the Society for Creative Anachronism.
I used to be heavily involved with the SCA but due to personal issues and my world blowing up....I left. When I left, I had made enemies but I didn't care because I "was never coming back"...famous last words.

We will be attending a feast and masked ball in January....I will be creating Tudor mens and womens clothing.

Even if the people I angered are there, at least I will look good.

WORK WORK WORK

That is what my life seems to be comprised of...work work work....small break for school....work work work.

Yeah, you get the idea.

Honestly, I love my job. I have a great team of good people working under me. I have made some friends and I can say that 99.9% of the time, I actually want to go to work.
School starts back up soon. Sticking with the Cultural Anthropology degree.....see where that takes me.

I wish I knew why I cant sleep much anymore...perhaps it is the ghosts of the past coming to visit...?

Different topic....I was asked, a while ago, if I could ever be friends again with M. After much thought, I said that I couldn't.
Sure, what we had, as friends, was good....for a while and then, it went really bad. I think that both of us had come to the end and neither of us was willing to "blink" and just put it to rest.
Do I think she over reacted in regards to what I said? Yes, I do.
Do I think I should have just listened to my gut instincts and said "goodbye" while things were still pretty good? You bet I do. Without a doubt.

Life is too short to dwell on the "should have, would have, could have" train of thought. Let me just say, for the record....she is good at her job....I would reccomend her in a heartbeat if someone was looking for an energy medicine practitioner because of how she can be compassionate.
In the end, I wish her pure joy and happiness. Always.

Setting the internal clock....

So, I spent my last day at the current store working. It was a nice day, steady and the customers were wonderful. Except for one, but we won't talk about her today.
With the new location, I have to be there at 6:30 in the morning and it isn't near my house so I actually will have to deal with the morning commutes.
I have been setting my clock to get up at 4:30 in the morning but have not been very successful. I start at the new location on Tuesday and need to spend tonight and Monday night getting to bed at 8:pm....no excuses. Why is it that when we get older we have a harder time adjusting to changes? Changes in life, in the world, in family. In sleep?
I will ponder that as I go through my day today.

Oh, Hi there!

What to do, what to say, what to write......well, let's start with my religious education. As mentioned in my last entry, I was taking Intro to Judaism classes. Now, I am taking the next step in the journey and taking conversion classes. These classes entail trying to learn some basic Hebrew....note that I said "trying".....this is a very hard language to learn...but it is neccessary so I stick to it. The next step is to have meetings one on one with my Rabbi. I also have to write an essay about this journey.

School....I am registered for the spring term for a math class and an anthropology class. I am planning on majoring in psychology and minoring in cultural anthropology. I have to hammer out some math classes first. I hate math....my brain doesn't work well with numbers but rather with language and other forms of creativity. I have no choice though and I will just have to power through it.

Friends...friendship is a funny thing. You meet people and you connect with them and you spend time and energy getting to know them. You build these wonderful memories with them. Then something happens, it may be a small something but it really has such a tremendous impact on the friendship and it damages the friendship. Sometimes the damage can be fixed and sometimes it only has the appearance of being fixed.

It's like a vase that breaks......You put the vase back together with glue and it appears to be "as good as new", until you try and put water and flowers into the vase and you see the water leaking out and you realize that it will never be fixed, it will never be the way it used to be. It will never hold water.

I just recently lost a friendship that was like that vase. We both said and did things that have damaged the friendship...but I insisted on trying to hold onto the friendship because I wanted to so badly believe that there was something worth salvaging and I thing she did too. We were both wrong and now we have gone our seperate ways. It's for the best and the only thing I feel bad about is that I don't feel bad about the end.

.

Work....got a promotion and will be switching stores....this is very cool. I am so lucky to have a job that I like to do. Let's see if I still like it in a few months.

Creating....Been making cards, been loving it.

Marriage....I have been so blessed to have a wonderful and supportive husband....I am grateful that he was brought into my life. We just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary.

It's Been a While

Many changes have occured. I am in the tail end of Introduction to Judaism classes. This is the first step towards reclaiming my "Jewish-ness". Within the next month, I will be starting classes to undergo a return/conversion into the Conservative stream of Judaism.
My oldest daughter has come to live with us....she is 20 and a good kid...she just fell on financial hard times, much like many Americans. Luckily, she has family who is there for her.

I don't see the kids anymore.....painful as it is, it is something I have had to accept. The last time I saw them, I gave him his 5th birthday gift, "Where the Wild Things Are". Inside the book I wrote "To Gannon, on your 5th birthday....Let your imagination take you anywhere you wish to go. Love Tabby". I got to read the book to him, reading was always something he and I did together.
My husband says that the past 5 years I was in the kids' lives, I made such a profound impact that they will carry it with them for the rest of their lives.
I have lots of pictures (over 4000 total) so I can always look at those. Sadly, they make me cry. As they were driving away that last time I saw them, the song by Flogging Molly, "If I Ever Leave This World Alive" was playing....I have it downloaded on my phone now so I can think of them whenever I want. Again, thinking of them makes me cry, but it's good tears.
Planning on going back to school in the Spring.....just have to get my ass in gear.