Athena and my husband....

I have a mini doxie. Her name is Athena. I have a Husband, his name is Dave.
My doxie, she doesn't speak (because she's a dog) so my husband speaks for her. Seriously.

This evening, my husband was making dinner and our dog decided she needed to come into the kitchen, to help, of course.

I told her to get out of the kitchen and she just stared at me ( did you know, Doxies are little demons who like to test the limits of your patience?)
Of course, my dear husband took this as an opprotunity to give words to what he assumed the dog was thinking.

"Oh, you want me to go? I thought I would come in and help you out. In case you dropped something on the floor and didn't want to bend over, I would just clean it up for you.
I like to help, even if it's a sacrifice....it's one I am willing to make because I love you."

Yeah, my husband does this on a daily basis. He does it with a high pitched voice.
It's pretty darn funny.
I don't know which is funnier, him making the dogs voice and speaking her thoughts or the idea that she has thoughts.

As I was typing this, Athena decided to go scavange in the kitchen, to see if there was anything that we dropped.
I asked her what she was doing and she just stared at me, I think she was hoping I would be able to magically make food appear in front of her....She does this alot, and as much as she tries, I still haven't been able to make that happen. She is persistant though, I have to give her credit.

I wish more people had her persistance, would make life much more interesting.

I wonder if they would speak in high pitched voices also.

Communication breakdown

This weekend, I was at a wedding for a friend. The groom, my friend, had his father, who is a preacher, marry him and his new wife.

This friend is one of 4 kids, I have met his other two brothers and his sister and consider myself friends with them. All four of these kids are "good kids". None of them have had issues with the law, they are respectful, honest, ethical and all around of good heart and soul.
After the ceremony, I got a chance to talk to the dad and I told him what great kids he and his wife have raised and then, I asked him something he had been asked, I am sure, by other people before me...."How do you do it, what is your secret?"
His answer:
"Marry your best friend. When the kids are gone, you are going to need someone you can talk to."

How true. Communication is such an important thing. Communication is what keeps us connected to others, it is what keeps our souls alive and thriving.
In this day and age, when divorce is so prevelant and easy to achieve, I wonder what has truly changed from the days of our grandparents. What is so different, when it comes to the challenges of marriage, that is so hard to deal with?

I think the main thing is the way we communicate with each other. The internet has had such an impact on our lives. It is so easy to real time chat with people halfway accross the world and yet, we cannot seem to take the time to look at the person sitting next to us on the bus and just say "hello".
We, as a society, have lost that desire for human contact. It is so ingrained in us to distrust our next door neighbor that when we find someone who is reaching out to us, we flinch away in horror and disgust simply because we don't know how to take the hand that is extended.

The movie "Wall E" is a perfect example of the effects of lack of human contact. In the movie, People float around on chairs, talking to computer screens and not even seeing the people they are floating next to. It is only when one of them is disturbed by Wall E that they actually look around and see the people and the world that they have been missing.
Some would say that that movie is an extreme exaggeration of what we are becoming, but I wonder if it is actually more accurate than we wish to admit.

Imagine, for a moment, what sort of an impact you would have on someones day if you just turned to them as they sit next to you on the bus, smiled and said "Hi, how are you?"

And you actually meant it.

Sacrifice

Sometimes, in our lives, we are called to do great things. We are called to give great sacrifice.

Today, the realization came to me that two of the greatest things I have done in my life were finally culminating in great sacrifice.

I have had four babies, the last two came in 2005 and 2007. I carried those two under my heart for 9 months. Fed them from my breasts for one year each and loved them with my every breath.
I saw them almost every week from the day they were born until January of this year.

Even though I held out hope that I would see them for their birthdays and for the holidays, a voice in the back of my head kept saying "prepare yourself, you are soon to be removed from their lives"
I chose to ignore that voice.....most unwise.

I received the call today....I will not see them again.
My heart, it felt as if someone had ripped it out of my very body.....I am in physical and emotional pain....pain as I have never experienced before.
What had I done wrong, I asked myself.
Did I love them too much? NO....you cannot love a child too much, children need love, it is like water and oxygen to them.

I have done nothing wrong. I impacted those childrens lives in a way that cannot be removed or reversed, no matter the time or distance between us. My impact on their lives will continue on and will have influences on them, even if they don't realize that is what is happening.

I used to say that I understood what mothers who gave up their children for adoption went through, but I didn't, not fully.
Now I do.

Perhaps, I will pack up the photos of them, put them away safely and look at them when I can do so without crying.
What I will never pack away is the love I have for those two incredible little people and all the memories I have of them.
Their dad can take away my ability to see them, but he can never take away the love and bond that those children and I shared.

"I'll love you forever
I'll love you for always
As long as I'm living
My babies you'll be"

I have friends who are getting married. I wanted to give them something and so I have offered to perform the ceremony. My fee is much less than that of a JP....I only ask for a bottle of good whiskey.

Or Vodka.

No, I am not a minister, rabbi, yogi.....I am just a big ol' romantic who thinks that when two consenting adults wish to be married, they ought to have that right. I really don't care what they have between their legs....as long as they are finding happiness, who am I to stop them?

Getting Comfortable....

So, I really do like my job. I have the hours and days I like and that work for me. I have relatively little stress to deal with and in general, my co-workers from around the store seem to really like me (cue Sally Field clutching her oscar and crying to the audience "You like me...you really reall like me!!)
Sadly, I am as high up in the company as I can go.....to go further, I need to seriously look at leaving my kiosk and getting into management.
I would lose my guaranteed days off, I may not get all of my holidays off and it is more stress.
I would, on the other hand, have a chance at some real managment, get better pay, get better benefits and would, in all reality, have a career.

So why am I sitting here, talking myself out of it?

Because, deep down inside, I don't feel I deserve it. I have become comfortable in my job and in my skin.....this is not good.

I have spoken to my boss and have indicated that I am interested in looking into the manager training program.

Time to shake up my comfort zone.